Your Love For Always
by Follow-The-Firefly
Summary: I never thought this would be my last letter to you. Zemyx death-fic written for Zemyx day 2010. Rated T for teen. ONESHOT AU


**Disclaimer: I don't own KH**

**Hey! It's Zephyr! Happy Zemyx day! Whoot! So this is the first Zemyx story I've ever written, so I'm kinda nervous about it. As a note, this is a war story, but there won't be a lot of violence. I certainly don't mean to offend anyone with this fanfic and I'm sorry if I do. While writing this fanfic, I listened to several songs by E.S. Posthumus, which I would recommend listening to while reading. And they would be...**

**Antissa**

**Lavanya**

**Ulaid**

**Manju**

**Moonlight Sonata**

**Cuzco**

**I listened to Lavanya, Ulaid and Moonlight Sonata the most while writing this. I would recommend starting with Manju or Ulaid and ending with Lavanya or Moonlight Sonata, but that's just me. **

**Another thing, this is meant to be a letter as told by Zexion. Just in case it isn't clear from the beginning.  
**

**So without further ado, let the deadly tale begin!  
**

To my favourite song,

There are so many things I'll remember about today, so many things I'll never forget. The colour of the sky, the sound of the birds...This was meant to be a happy day, Demyx.

This was meant to be the day of our wedding. Instead, it's the day of your funeral, the day that marks the last time I will ever see you, Demyx. After today, you'll be taken away from me forever, buried under the ground where I can never see you again.

These last three years seem to have gone by so quickly. They're almost a blur now. Sometimes it feels like it's only been days instead of years. I had expected to spend the rest of my life with you.

I guess that won't be happening now, huh?

I still remember the first day we met in basic training. You were in my platoon, so we saw a lot of each other. I noticed that you didn't seem to want to talk to anyone. You seemed withdrawn, Demyx, but you seemed so much more than that. You seemed like you'd lost someone important in your life.

Wondering what was wrong, I decided to see if you were okay. You told me that Riku, your boyfriend of four years, broke up with you before you left home.

I could see you were nervous about what I would say, and I can understand why. We were in the Army, a place where homosexuals weren't always welcome. You didn't know if I was one of the people who would judge you just based on the fact that you were gay.

Sensing that this was bothering you, I told you that I'd recently left a serious relationship with my boyfriend. I told you that I knew how you felt, knew what you were going through. You seemed relieved at that.

After introducing ourselves, we started to talk a little more, started to open up to each other. I learnt that we were from the same town, which really surprised me. I wondered why we hadn't seen each other, but it all made sense when I learnt that you went to the other high school. We both liked to eat at the same restaurants, liked the same kinds of music and movies. We'd even been in the same movie theatre when we saw the opening for _Star Trek_. That was certainly interesting to find out.

You told me that you could play some instrument called a sitar, an instrument I'd never heard of before. I asked what it was and you said that you couldn't describe what it was, that you had to show me. So you reached under your bed and pulled out this enormous blue stringed instrument that looked like some sort of giant guitar. I asked how it sounded and without saying a word, you started playing.

I recognized the song as _Lavanya_, but it sounded so different. What was meant to be played on the piano was now being plucked on this strange new instrument. Somehow, though, it didn't sound bad. It was different, yes, but it was still beautiful. And I wanted to hear more.

When you finished, you looked shyly at me, your green eyes showing how nervous you were. I told you that you had played very well, which you had, and I wanted to know how long it took you to learn how to play it. I was amazed when you told me that you learnt how to play it in five years. It seemed like such a short amount of time for such a complex instrument. You told me that you loved playing it so much that you would play all day long, sometimes forgetting to eat.

Somehow, I could see you doing that. I didn't know you very well at that point, but that seemed normal for you. Well, maybe not normal. It seems like something you'd do, anyway.

You told me that you wrote songs as well, not only for the sitar, but for the guitar and piano as well. I asked if I could read some of them and you agreed.

I could tell that one particular song was about Riku, even though his name wasn't anywhere in the song. It was written in such a sad, yet angry manner, that I knew it had to be about him. I simply asked, "This is about him, isn't it?" You nodded and said that you wrote it after he broke up with you. I couldn't hear it because you were still working on perfecting the lyrics, but you had every intention of turning it into a complete song.

Music was your escape, Demyx. It's how you handled the hardships of your life. I still remember whenever we would come back from a day's training, you would pull out your iPod and start listening to music so loudly that I could hear it across the room. Your eyes would be closed, but I knew that you weren't asleep. You were in your own little world, escaping the troubles from the real one.

Our training started the next day, training that included backbreaking exercises and classroom study. We spent hours upon hours learning how to disassemble various types of bombs, how to successfully carry out a rescue operation and how to provide basic roadside medical care for the wounded.

You remember how exhausted we were after training, right, Demyx? I remember Saïx was always eager for more, but he shut up about it after Marluxia punched him in the face. _That_ was the talk of the camp, huh?

But no matter how tired we were from training, we always found time to talk to each other. The topics ranged from past relationships to favourite sports teams to more musical preferences. You got me listening to some pretty odd bands, Dem. I wouldn't be listening to bands like Dir en Grey and Nightwish if it hadn't been for you.

Sometimes we played chess with Sergeant Xehanort's set when Lexaeus and Xaldin weren't using it. I think we tied for number of wins. I remember trying to explain Monopoly to you. Not being good with numbers, Monopoly was obviously a bit of a challenge for you.

One day, while you were in the shower, I found your sitar, which you affectionately called Arpeggio, on your bed. You must have been playing it before you left. I stared at it for a few seconds before picking it up and trying to play it. I'd seen you play it dozens of times, holding it upright so that you could gently pluck the strings. For some reason, though, I had held it like a guitar. I was having a hard time figuring out how the hell to play it when you walked in.

You froze, your eyes drifting from me to the sitar in my hands before returning to me again. You frowned and asked what I was doing with your sitar. I jokingly said that I was using it to clean my rifle, which I obviously had not been doing. You laughed and said that you'd teach me how to play if I really wanted to learn that badly.

We spent the rest of the afternoon playing the sitar. Or should I say you attempting to teach me and me failing miserably? I could play a guitar perfectly fine, but I just didn't have a knack for playing the sitar like you could. Whatever I played never sounded right. It didn't sound as melodious as when you played it.

Around this time, I noticed that I felt differently around you. I noticed that my heart would race whenever you looked at me. I wondered why I couldn't quite catch my breath whenever I stared into your eyes, though I quickly looked away for fear of staring for too long. I was confused as to why I got this weird feeling in my stomach whenever your hand touched mine.

Then one night as I was trying to fall asleep, I knew. I hadn't experienced such feelings in such a long time, but I understood what was happening.

I'd fallen for you, Demyx. I'd fallen in love with you.

After I realized that, I became terrified. What was I meant to do? What could I do? Being in the Army, it was going to be really hard to date another man.

I had to think about that. I couldn't go out with you. There was no way that was going to happen because you wouldn't return my feelings. There was no way in hell that you would be in love with me, too. There was just no way that would happen.

So I decided that night that you could never know. You could never know how I felt about you. After all, we'd become best friends. Why would I risk that, risk my friendship with you, just so I could go out with you? And I was certain that you didn't like me back, so why mention it at all?

As time passed, however, I felt myself growing depressed. At first I wondered why. Nothing had happened that would make me feel depressed, so what was it? What was going on?

Eventually, I figured it out. I wasn't with you. Well, I was, but you know what I mean, right? I wasn't going out with you, wasn't your boyfriend. I didn't think that it would become such a big deal for me, but apparently it had.

For the briefest of moments, I considered asking you out, but quickly came to my senses. I reminded myself that there was no way that you would feel the same way about me and that I would just be jeopardizing our friendship. You could never know how I felt about you.

I think you noticed, though. I think you knew that something was bothering me, even though you never asked what.

You know how I am, Demyx. I don't like to talk to other people about my feelings. I'd much rather shoulder the pain by myself than get someone else involved.

A few weeks later, we were about to graduate from basic training when you asked me to meet you by the basketball courts behind the cafeteria one night. Wondering what was up, I obliged and found myself waiting for you.

You showed up eventually, after I'd been waiting for about half an hour. You had been playing poker with some of the guys and they had wanted to know why you would want to hang out with me instead of continuing poker with them.

I remember how nervous you were. I'd never seen you that nervous before, including the first time we went through grenade training. I asked you what was wrong, since something was obviously on your mind. You said that there was something that you had to tell me, something important, and that you hoped I wouldn't feel any differently about you after you told me.

You'd fallen for me.

I couldn't believe it. You had to be joking, right? There was no way that you liked me, too. It just wasn't possible.

But it was. You had fallen for me, taking me completely by surprise. I barely had time to tell you that I felt the same before you kissed me. I could tell that you'd been wanting to do that for a while, Demyx.

So with that, we became lovers, which was certainly an interesting change for me. It had been a little while since I last had a boyfriend and I wasn't sure how this would turn out.

After graduation, we went back home for the first time in nearly three months.

You met my parents, who were thrilled to meet you. I never met yours, though. Maybe I will at your funeral.

I asked you why I wouldn't be meeting your parents. You said that they weren't like mine.

Even though you didn't specify how, I understood. I knew exactly what you were talking about.

They didn't like the fact that you liked boys.

That wasn't about to stop you from going out with me, though. It's a good thing, too. Think of all the things that we'd miss out on if we hadn't been boyfriends, Demyx.

Do you remember the day you wanted to give me a pet name? I always thought it was ridiculous, but you were so set on the idea. After much thought, you decided on calling me your love for always. I still don't know why you chose that one, as long as it is, but you did.

Going along with the idea, I decided to call you my favourite song. I love music almost as much as you did and you were one of a kind, babe. It just seemed to fit, I can't really explain it.

I never was that good at explaining myself, was I?

That's something you did, Demyx. I used to not talk to a lot of people, only conversing with the people I knew I could trust. Once I started going out with you, you gradually brought me out into the world. I was doing things that I'd never done before. Remember the night when we met Roxas and Axel at the bar? And Axel sang _Like a Virgin_ on the karaoke? That night was amazing. I had such an awesome time with you.

I remember one night we were sitting in my living room watching a movie when you suddenly paused it. Startled and confused, I asked you what was wrong. You wanted to know why I'd chosen to fall in love with you. I told you that I hadn't chosen to fall for you, but it sort of happened on its own. This prompted you to ask what about you I had fallen in love with, since you didn't consider yourself very attractive, which you still are.

I noticed the little things, Demyx. The way your eyes would light up whenever you heard a song that you liked and the way you would sing along, that shy look you would give me whenever you showed me a new song that you had written. I noticed the blush that would come across your face whenever you were embarrassed, the way you tried so hard to pronounce certain words correctly like cinnamon and anemone.

While I loved you as a whole, I always noticed the little things, the things that you'd think I wouldn't notice. How could I not notice the insignificant details about you, Dem? I wanted to know everything about you, to understand everything there was to know.

Not much happened in three years. We went back and forth between civilian life and Army life. You and Riku started to talk to each other again after you showed him the song that you wrote. He laughed and said that you'd always been one to hold a grudge.

Do you remember the night I proposed to you, Dem? I can't believe you didn't know I was going to do it. I was as nervous as hell. So nervous, in fact, that I had to ask Axel how he thought I should do it. Can you imagine? Me asking Axel for advice on proposing? I never thought it would happen either.

You noticed something was different that night, didn't you? You were acting differently, too. Well, I didn't want to propose in some really clichéd fashion, Demyx. I wanted to be original about it.

So I simply invited you over to my apartment to watch a movie. I think it was one of the _Star Wars_ movies, I can't remember exactly what it was now. After the movie was done, I looked straight into your eyes and simply asked you if you would marry me.

I'll never forget your reaction to that, Dem. I could tell that it was unexpected because I could see it in your eyes. I could always tell what you were thinking just by looking into your eyes, Demyx.

But I didn't that time. I could have, but I didn't because I wanted to be surprised myself. I honestly had no idea if you'd say yes, but I was hoping that you would.

And you did. I remember being so happy when you said yes. I can still see you smiling at me.

I couldn't afford a traditional engagement ring, but I did have enough to buy a set of promise rings, which you had said that you liked better than engagement rings. You said that while engagement rings could only be worn until the wedding, promise rings could always be worn to show the commitment between two people.

We told our parents soon after that. Well, I told my parents soon after. You waited a few weeks to tell yours because of how they felt about you. They never did speak to you again, did they?

We started preparing for the wedding, setting the date, deciding on who was going to attend and who wasn't.

Sometime in all this, we were sent back to the front lines to fight again. We didn't think anything of it. Well, there was one thing going on in the back of my mind.

This was the last tour we were going through. After this, we'd be finished and there was no way that I was going to sign up for another one.

So we went to the camp and waited for orders to move out. I was surprised to learn that Xigbar, who was with us during BT, was with us. It was nice to see a familiar face.

The next day, we learnt our mission. We were meant to stake out the home of a possible terrorist who was believed to have kidnapped two of our federal agents.

It sounded like it would be an ordinary mission. Well, an ordinary stake-out, anyway.

About a week into the mission, Luxord was on patrol and saw two bodies tied up in chairs. They were the missing federal agents.

We quickly took action. Xigbar broke down the door and the rest of us ran inside, weapons at the ready. You went with Marluxia and attempted to free the agents and get them to safety while I stayed behind with the rest of the group to fight off the swarm of enemy soldiers that appeared from seemingly nowhere.

You came back inside and were searching for more hostages when the unthinkable happened.

Even though days have passed, Demyx, I can still picture it clearly in my mind. Everything seemed to go in slow motion. The bullets flying through the air, piercing through your body. I can still see you slowly falling to the ground, your eyes wide in surprise.

I rushed over to you and called for a medic, but you simply shook your head. You knew there was no way that you were going to make it back home alive. The bullets had pierced too many of your vital organs. Your eyes met mine as you told me that you loved me and asked me not to forget about you.

As you drew your last breath in my arms, I held you close, trying not to let the tears escape from my eyes. Soldiers don't cry.

But I had just lost you, the one person in the world I cared about, the only person who completely understood me. You were taken away from me far too soon and there was no way that you could come back to me.

I wanted to stay with you, but we still had a mission to finish. I don't remember actually finishing the mission. All I could think about was you, how you were gone.

We finished the mission soon after and went back to the base, where I immediately called your family to let them know about your death. I had to leave a message on the answering machine. It didn't feel right, but I figured it would be appropriate for me to break the news.

I've been allowed to go home for the funeral, Demyx. I don't know what will happen, since I'm writing this the day before the funeral with hopes that you'll read it the day I give it to you. I know you can't really read it, but I hope the message will get to you somehow. I hope I'll be able to remain calm, to not cry and keep my composure. But you know how much you meant to me. I don't know if I'll be able to do it.

There are so many things I could say right now, but all of them seem inadequate. I love you more than you can possible imagine, even if you're not here with me. Nothing will ever change that. I know you're in a peaceful place now, Demyx, and I hope you'll wait for me to join you there.

Your love for always,

Zexion

***hides under table* don't kill me! I hate killing Demyx, but it just had to happen. Anyway, I hope it wasn't an epic fail of a oneshot. Let me know what you think. Reviews equal love! Thanks for reading! Zephyr out.**


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